Monday, December 22, 2008

Set Your Sights For January 4th

Please join The Fucking Bike Club on Sunday, January 4th for the long awaited FBC Winter Biathlon. Modeled after the bitchin-est event in the winter Olympics, the FBC Winter Biathlon combines bicycle riding, shooting and cold weather.

If you have a BB gun that you can bring to the event, please let me know. We already have at least three lined up, but the more guns we can get our hands on the less qualifying heats we have to run before the finals.

As with all FBC endorsed races the goal is to have fun. Even if you fancy yourself quite slow on a bike, or a terrible shot with a BB gun, you should come out and race. I can personally guarantee that you will have fun. And even if you really can't be convinced to race, this should be one hell of an event for spectators. There will be beer and there may even be chili. What more could you ask for.

Meet at Turtle Park at noon on Sunday the 4th. We will all ride together to the race course at 12:30pm sharp. See you there.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Widest Bike Path In America

Thank you to Missouri Department of Transportation, The Farmers Almanac and The Earth's Moon for allowing The Fucking Bike Club to realize a dream. The idea for a "40's on 40" Fiasco has been bouncing around The Fucking Bike Club for years. Whether or not it was going to happen was basically out of our greasy hands. But thankfully on Friday December 12th, 2008 everything came together under the brightest full moon in decades and an FBC dream was realized. Another Festivus Miracle!

Cynics among you may be saying, "40's on 40? What the hell is this guy talking about? I wasn't drinking a 40."

True enough you cynical bastard. But a few of us were. The original idea for the ride was to make our first stop at a liquor store in the county and get OE's, Mickey's, Colts's and Hurricane's. But then we looked into it. Every Liquor store between Turtle Park and Brentwood that sells 40's closes before 11pm. So then we thought about buying a bunch of cases of 40's and handing them out at the steep mulch covered entrance ramp to the new highway 40. The more we thought about that the more clearly we envisioned a scene of half full forty bottle raining through a sky painted by red and blue flashing lights and splashing down in puddles of broken glass in the cold Frontenac night. For that reason I didn't spend Friday afternoon buying cases of malt liquor, instead I spent it making little laminated 40oz-ers for your spokes.

For anyone who thinks Full Moon Fiasco 45 didn't earn the subtitle "40's on 40", might I suggest either "Party on Farty" or "The Widest Bike Path in America."

Whatever you decide to call it, I hope you had fun. I know that I'll remember riding my bike the wrong way down an empty interstate highway under a cartoonishly gigantic full moon for a long time to come. Not to mention partying on the highway at 40 and ballas, our cordial and mature interactions with representatives of several St. Louis County Police departments, the nice young gentleman at Schnucks who let us skip them in line to beat the 1:30 beer deadline, The strange dudes at the bonfire (Vinnie, I'm looking at you.), and the unbelievably nice (seriously) members of the Maplewood Fire Department. And Vinnie, next time you get cold at a giant bonfire, remember that laying in the fire doesn't so much warm you up as burn your clothes off.

And much better photos here.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Just Another Friday Night

Friday December 12th, Its Full Moon Fiasco #45. Come join St. Louis' own Fucking Bike Club for a night of cold clean fun under the full moon. Dress Warm and meet at Turtle Park before 11pm. The ride leaves at 11pm sharp. Its gonna be a good one.
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